Joker King - find funny jokes from here.
Joker King - find funny jokes from here.
DarbyCrashLanding 4 year.ago"We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you." "Yes", she says, "I remember it well." OK, he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?" "Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!" A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them. The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground. The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know. After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is. So, as the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?" Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, "Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence."
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They have antibodies
They have antibodies
"The jerky store called, and they've run out of you!!"
She grins and says, "Wanna have a competition to see who can pee the highest?" The man smirks. "Alright, but ladies first." The woman steps up, pulls down her pants, leans back with her hands on her hips, and lets loose—her stream reaching chest height on the urinal. The man nods, clearly impressed. "Not bad, but I reckon I can beat that." He unzips, gets ready to aim, when— The woman smirks and says "Nah ah. No hands."
(Reposting here as too long for Dad jokes) Newish teacher was due for an inspection and was worried about how her class would make her look. Her boyfriend, an engineer, designed something special for her and installed it the night before the inspection. Basically, he'd placed drawing pins under each chair that were controlled by a wireless signal from teacher's iPad. Next morning, when the inspector walked in, she pressed the "all" button and the pins went into every pupils backside. Of course they all jumped up, and the inspector was impressed by the class' respectful behaviour. Next, the teacher told him she was doing a pop quiz on the Bible. First question was "Who was our Lord and Saviour?" She called on George and pressed his button. George jumped up, rubbing his bottom, exclaiming "Jesus Christ!" Next question was "Who was sent floating in a basket down the river?" This time it was Brian's turn to get the jab. He jumped up, rubbing his bottom, crying out "Holy Moses!" The next question was "What did Eve say to Adam in the Garden of Eden?" This time, she called upon Johnny (oh, will they never learn?) who'd been stung once and had seen the how the teacher was doing the tricks. Before she could press the button for Johnny, he'd already jumped up, saying "You're not going to stick that thing in me."
But I told him I couldn't, because I had a weak back. He asked me how long I'd had a weak back. And I said "Oh, about a week back."
"My car is broken, and I need it fixed ASAP." **Quantum Mechanic:** No problem. That’ll be $500. Come back in an hour. The man waits an hour and returns. "Is my car fixed?" **Quantum Mechanic:** Your car is both fixed and still broken. Frustrated, the man says, **"This is the most advanced, most expensive, most important car in the world! Do you understand the GRAVITY of this situation?"** **Quantum Mechanic:** No
Orange is the new black
Being nose or throat responsible
Cause he was a wobbly
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